Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Empty Places of Waiting

Well November is here and the waiting should be over. But alas it is not.
After many talks about money and vibes - the husband and I have decided to wait until January to try our first IUI.

Some days it feels like the decision is just silly and we should just suck it up and not wait. And other days I think the fear of failing is where my bad vibes are coming from. But overall with the husband still fresh into a new job, the holiday stress approaching quickly, our schedule changes, and work getting busier - the timing just does not feel right.

One thing I have noticed is that my hope level of conception without medical help is diminishing quickly. I did not chart last month and am not right now either. I am losing the faith that maybe it could 'just happen'. I would like to say it is a fleeting feeling that will pass but I think that it is my head telling me to be smart about things.

We are quickly approaching two years of TTC and my birthday will be here soon. The time seems to be speeding by and everyone's babies are growing up. I am watching and hearing all these lovely stories that I want to experience myself but instead our extra bedroom is still just that - extra space. Just like my uterus. So for now we will have more empty places.