Friday, December 31, 2010

Here's to 2011 - Let it be Positive

So many of you have posted lovely good by 2010 and hello 2011 posts. Mine is not much different and I do not have anything too exciting to say. I am not going to complain about 2010 because I did a lot of that as it was going on and truthfully we learned a lot from it.

First I wanted to say thank you to all my fellow bloggies. I appreciate each of you that have stopped throughout this year and encouraged me with your comments and on your own blogs.

And since its Friday I will keep with my tradition and have a Positive Friday.

I am upbeat about what 2011 will hold. I am anxious to know and hopeful that my husband's surgery was successful. Right now I feel like our chances for conception are getting better and that we will one day soon ring in a new year with an extra hand to hold.

We had much different plans for this weekend but both of us ending up being sick. So instead of going out of town to a trade show we are instead staying home, curling up on the couch and will watch movies for the next two days. Sniffles and all I'm still looking forward to it.

Happy New Year to each of you.

Monday, December 27, 2010

Christmas and all the Positives

as you can probably tell, I intend to finish and post this one on Friday, hope you can forgive my tardiness.....

Well it's Christmas Eve. All over the world people are celebrating with their families and hopefully enjoying life. I know it will not be a perfect holiday for some and like me, I know that most you (those whose blogs I follow and my lovely readers) did not receive the one gift you so hoped for this year. But this weekend is a time to be thankful and to be happy with what we have. This holiday season has had its ups and downs but I hope at some point through all of it everyone has found a few moments of happiness.

And with that said - I'm going to focus on the good things and celebrate a few positive things in my life, even if we're still waiting for the big one -

- This year we started TTC. I finally made it to that point in my life where it was the right time.

- We figured out what our main issue was and we did something about it.

- Our TTC chances should increase in 2011

- I still love my job and am lucky to have to. Its a good place and I love getting to play with books all day.

- We welcomed a niece into the family.

- It was a pretty healthy year. No major issues or breakages.

- There should be plenty of chances to try again next year.
I hope everyone had a lovely and wonderful holiday and a great week up to the New Year. I am sending out much love to each of you and lots of baby dust.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Subtle Changes

This journey of ours has been a pretty different one for my hubby than it has been for me. Originally he was not too excited about TTC and would have rather waited another year or two. Like most men he saw the whole process as ‘it will happen when it happens’ and did not see any point in worrying about it. But lately he has inching closer to a more neutral ground. This process has not been easy for either of us but I think I’ve decided our troubles have benefited him and our relationship the last few months.

The most obvious example was his willingness to have surgery. Once we had the SA done he was very positive and reassuring about us going to the doctor and finding out what our options were. We scheduled everything pretty quickly and he never once dragged his feet. Since then a few more little things have stood out.

My hubby is not a big holiday kind of person. Christmas just stresses him out. So when we first got married I promised him that we would not have to get a big Christmas tree until after we had kids and they were old enough to know what it was. I have kept up my side of the bargain and have not made a peep about it. Well around Thanksgiving he started hinting to me that it would be OK if we went ahead and got a big tree. He just wanted me to know that he was alright with it. It was terribly sweet because I knew his thought process was – ‘We should have a baby by now and if we did then she would have a big tree.’ He also went out of his way to help me decorate the house which was a first. While I was putting up the small tree in our dining room, he snuck into the living room and decorated our Tree Mural with some of our ornaments.

How cute is that!?! So for now we have the small tree and this lovely addition. I really love that he used this small way to reach out and try and make things a little bit nicer.

A funnier example was from this last weekend. I was wrapping presents and watching the movie Four Christmases. (Spoiler alert here if you have not seen it before). He sat down and watched the last thirty minutes or so with me. Well at the end of this one it’s all happy and stuff and up pops the typical “One Year Later” statement and they are in a hospital room with a newborn baby. My husband proceeds to exclaim – “Well screw them!” I couldn't help but laugh. He finally understands now why so many movies get me upset these days.

I know there are plenty of you out there with supporative husbands and I'm proud to say that mine is being even more so.

Friday, December 17, 2010

Positive Friday

Happy Friday! And a Positive one at that! I missed it last week so I’m going to have to be extra positive today.

We are trying not to focus on TTC since technically we are on a break. The swimmers are healing from surgery and we are keeping our fingers crossed our chances will increase.
So today I am focusing on the now - I’m looking forward to a nice weekend and so far it’s been a great day today. Here’s why:

1. I forgot my wedding rings at home today, boo! Oh wait that’s not positive…..I left them in the cleaning solution so they are going to be extra shiny tonight

2. I have a Netflix movie at home to watch tonight. It’s a Christmas movie which are always fun (Four Christmases – hope its good) AND the husband said he would watch it with me. Since I had to watch some kind of awful action movie last night (The Expendables – it was horrible) I think this is only fair

3. One of my customers sent me a box of Petits Fours today – extremely yummy!

4. A very sweet coworker/friend took me out to lunch yesterday for my Birthday and today one of my best friends took me out again. I feel loved

5. I have been slowly collecting these Rudolph figures that came out a few years ago. And each year I buy a new part of it so I don’t spend too much. This year I found a good deal on the Santa figure. He was delivered yesterday.

6. Tomorrow I get to hang out with at my parents house to celebrate my Birthday with them. My mom is making lasagna (yum) and we’re having Cupcakes!!!!

7. Christmas is 7 days away!

8. Sunday I am going to a Garth Brooks Concert – it is going to freaking rock!

9. I got an email yesterday from my flex spending account that I still had money left in it that I have to use before the year ends. I thought it was all used up so now I get to file a claim for the husband’s surgery and we should get back the co-pay amount.

10. And today my company gave us a surprise Christmas bonus. It was not expected at all and was pretty darn cool I really do love my job.

Thanks for stopping by! I hope your having a lovely day. And before leaving please think of a positive thing or two about your day or upcoming weekend. Feel free to share it too!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Just a quick update.

Overall I’m not a party pooper and yesterday ended up being a nice Birthday.
Sorry for my little pity party/rant.

since I missed last Postive Friday, here are my Birthday Positives -

Once I got over my little sad spell I:
Ran a few errands
Had some tasty pasta for lunch
Visited my cousin and their new baby
The weather cleared and we went to the Hockey game
We ending up sitting in one of the boxes, the game was great and we won!
My sweet, sweet husband got me a wonder gift - a wallet from Harvey’s (they do seatbelt bags that are just plain awesome!) and had flowers waiting for me at home.

So this year I might not have my heart’s one main desire I am able to look around and be content with what I am already lucky to have. Wonderful friends and family, a great outlet for my troubles, a good job that I enjoy and my health.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Another year....

Today is my Birthday.

Honestly I'm not a big birthday person. Its just another day. This year like the last three or four my Birthday kicks off my small depression train. This train normally chugs along right past Christmas and straight into the new year. Around mid-January I'll get up the nerves to jump off and force myself to walk along the tracks and hope to keep the train at bay for a little while longer. But do not be surprised if it makes a quick return in February when our anniversary rolls around and the official TTC year mark hits.
Even before we started trying it would sting a bit each time my birthday rolled around. I look out at most of my friends and they get lovely Happy Birthday Mommy cards and sweet little handmade gifts. I adore my family and all the sweet things they do to help me ring in another notch on my age tree but in my heart there is that empty feeling that seems to spread out a bit more this time of year that no one else can touch. I thought last year would be my last go around on the pity train, but alas, the months in between have proven to be informative and so this year instead of saying I'm a Mom I get to sneak closer to 30 with another year of what-ifs and hope-so.

I took the day off today to quietly suffer if silence. Its amazing how the oddest things can set you off in tears. It might make me a bit of a coward but to save face I just wanted to get away and avoid any chance of hearing the getting older jokes and the one person that would no doubt ask about it finally being time for children yet. No one really gets the fact that I'm not bothered with being another year older but that its the fact that its another year gone by that I was not given my one wish.

In the lovely fashion that luck seems to have I decided to run errands today to keep myself busy. First stop, picking up pig feed - no problem. Second stop oil change - done, and oh by the way your water pump needs to be replaced. GREAT! That is just what I asked for. Later on this evening my lovely husband plans to take me to a hockey game, which I am very excited for. Expect that we are supposed to have a possible ice storm tonight and now we might not be able to go.

Whew, first let me say it feels nice to get all that out. Maybe with a clearer head I can proceed on with this day and enjoy a bit of it. Here's to hoping the weather doesn't get too bad.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Where’s Your Happy Place?

Where is your happy place?
Where do you go when things get to be a bit much?
Instead of breaking down in public where do you run to?
How do you deal?

I’m sure we all have different ways of getting through and today I discovered my newest coping method. I just completely checked out. I’m getting coffee at work and stop by a friend’s desk and within moments find myself in the middle of a conversation about the co-worker that just had a baby over the weekend. Then the conversation turns to birthing and c-sections. I did not feel right directing the conversation else where and had no opinions on the matter since I have not had the pleasure of giving birth thus far. So I just started reading all the little pieces of paper on my co-workers desk. I’m sure my eyes glazed over at some point. After what seemed like forever (probably around 2 or 3 minutes) I backed out of my fog to hear they were still talking about it all and I just turned and walked away to talk to someone else. Thankfully they are both good friends that understand what is going on so that kind of getaway was hopefully was not looked down upon.

On another note - Today sucks. It has just been one of those days when nothing is going right. I was running late this morning and was late to work which always gets me unnerved. My husband woke up feeling a bit off and has a tightness in his chest. So he went to the doctor and apparently the pain meds they gave him also gave him bronchitis. Lovely. I expect the weekend to be a good one now too.

Monday, December 6, 2010

An early morning

We had to get around 4:30 and surprisingly we both got up pretty easily. I'm about to get in the shower when my husband runs into the bedroom and proclaims "This day I start out as a normal man and this evening I will become - The Impregnator!"

The rest of the day was a bit less exciting but overall a pretty good day. If your interested, here is the scoop on the hubby's surgery - Varicocele Repair

Surgery was only about 40 mins long and because it is an out-patient surgery we were home by 1:00. He'll have to take the whole week of work off and is not supposed to lift anything over 20 lbs for a month.

The technical kind of stuff -

This most common form of treatment usually is done on an outpatient basis, using general anesthetic or local anesthetic. Most commonly, the surgeon will approach the vein through the groin.
He may be able to return to normal, nonstrenous activities after two days. As long as he's not uncomfortable, and he may return to more strenuous activity, such as exercising, after two weeks.
Pain from this surgery generally is mild. The doctor prescribed pain medication for the first two days. After that, he can take OTC to relieve discomfort. There has not been any swelling so far and he has not complained of pain either. Hopefully tomorrow is the same.

The outcome - It takes about 72 days for sperm to generate, so we'll have to wait three or four months after surgery to get a SA to determine whether the varicocele repair was successful. Many hopes and prayers will be going during this wait!

Friday, December 3, 2010

It's Friday!

I am hiding from a baby shower right now. I planned on going to lunch while it was going on but forgot about it and went to early. Of course I contributed to the diaper fund but really it has been a good day so far and I don’t want my mood to take a nose dive. So I stopped by, said hi to the beautiful-about-to-pop mom, grabbed a cupcake and ran back to my desk. I did get a little choked up when she asked why I was not staying for a few minutes and I honestly told her it a bit much for me to handle.

Now, I’m sipping a little punch, looking at a cute cupcake (topper removed) and thinking about nice things. Its Friday and Friday means being positive….

Here are today’s Positives!

1. I’m eating a cupcake – my favorite sweet treat.
2. I have a long weekend ahead of me - taking Monday and Tuesday off.
3. I’m almost done with my Christmas shopping!
4. Because all my shopping was done online, we have add tons of mail and boxes everyday this week. I have probably mentioned this before, but I just love getting mail. It makes me smile.
5. Today the package being delivered is a new purse, my birthday gift to myself!
6. Just planned a fun night out with one of my BFs for a play next week.
7. Still loving my new blog design
8. Added some new music to my library recently and today listening to and loving Bruno Mars - check out Runaway Baby for a cute upbeat song. I can't help but dance a little while listening to this one.

….And last but not least…. Monday we are taking our first huge step towards fighting infertility. Worried or not, I am excited and hopeful.

I hope your enjoying your Friday. Before leaving, please share something postive about your day.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Just a little bit of stuff

This month I have taken a break and not tracked a thing. I’ve felt very detached from the TTC cycle and blogs. I’m having a hard time relating to anything right now and hearing any updates knowing I have none. It has also been pretty difficult to not know what cycle day it is or how much longer I may have before AF. I did pretty well and only checked the dates twice. I know its completely stupid but for the last week or so I kept having ‘what if’ thoughts. I know very well our chances right now are in the 0-2% category but I still could not let go of that hope and wishing. What if it just happened with out surgery or any more intervention….alas AF signs started showing up yesterday so that’s out the window now.

This week things have picked up a bit. We are quickly approaching my hubby’s surgery and I’ve been trying to take care of things beforehand. The doctor was pretty positive they could file everything so insurance would cover it but I’ll admit I’ve been terrified that they will reject it. I called his office on Monday to verify that everything had been filed and to confirm how much our co pay would be. I left a message and received no answer. Tuesday morning I got an automatic email update on our claims and they had denied the earlier consult visit. I had a small stroke and ran out to call the insurance company. Luckily it was an easy update and they just need confirmation that he did not have any other policies from his work. And finally yesterday the doctor’s office called back and confirmed all was fine. The surgery is covered 100% with just a smallish co pay. In the mean time my husband was answering pre-op questions on the phone and they gave us 20% off the co pay if we prepaid over the phone. All I can say was that was a huge relief.

I’ve been dealing with a few mixed emotions about it all. I’m excited for the possibilities that this might fix everything and we are on our way. At the same time I’m terrified that this is just one little hurdle and so much more may be coming. I think it is wearing on my nerves because today I am on edge. I keep getting annoyed at little things and then realize I shouldn't be. I’m ready to go home and hopefully have a quite evening.