Tuesday, November 8, 2011

Empty Places of Waiting

Well November is here and the waiting should be over. But alas it is not.
After many talks about money and vibes - the husband and I have decided to wait until January to try our first IUI.

Some days it feels like the decision is just silly and we should just suck it up and not wait. And other days I think the fear of failing is where my bad vibes are coming from. But overall with the husband still fresh into a new job, the holiday stress approaching quickly, our schedule changes, and work getting busier - the timing just does not feel right.

One thing I have noticed is that my hope level of conception without medical help is diminishing quickly. I did not chart last month and am not right now either. I am losing the faith that maybe it could 'just happen'. I would like to say it is a fleeting feeling that will pass but I think that it is my head telling me to be smart about things.

We are quickly approaching two years of TTC and my birthday will be here soon. The time seems to be speeding by and everyone's babies are growing up. I am watching and hearing all these lovely stories that I want to experience myself but instead our extra bedroom is still just that - extra space. Just like my uterus. So for now we will have more empty places.


  1. Oh bummer and hugs hun. I was thinking of you the other day and how you'd be doing the iui this month. Sorry its not to be but hopefully with the holiday season and the like just around the corner the next while will fly by. Reaching 2yrs fully sucks just been there myself. Take care my girl xx

  2. *hugs* So sorry that you are still waiting for your BFP. I really do hope that time passes quickly and you are able to get an IUI cycle underway in the new year. xx

  3. So sorry you're having to wait. Waiting is never fun and, with the holidays coming up, it always makes not having children so much more sharply felt, I feel. I pray next year you'll look back on this time and laugh at how quickly it passed. In the meantime, I'm sending a hug and soothing thoughts your way!

  4. It's so hard to wait even longer. It sucks that that is the decision you have had come to.

  5. I decided to turn our extra bedroom into the pet's room. We have a dog and a cat. I've tossed all of their toys in there. They have a recliner that they like. And eventually I want to put up pictures of the two off them on the walls. I figure when we have kids (if we ever do) then I can kick the pets out and redo the room. The room not really being used made me sad, so I had to find a way to fill it.

  6. I know how it feels to have that empty bedroom. It's not easy. Most days, I keep the door shut. But I also have to believe that someday the room will be full of life - just like I've envisioned it.

    Sending lots of good thoughts that your empty room will be occupied soon, too.