Sunday, May 16, 2010

Almost Positive

Today, 6 days late, I'm almost positive I'm pregnant. However this stupid little strip only has one line. All my friends (who of course already have children of their own) say "Go out of town! That's what we did". Well we're out of town and since I know I've already ovulated this month its not quite possible to get pregnant now, but what if we found out I was while out of town? That would be cool, right?

Guess not this time.

So, first blog entry, how about some background? I'm currently 27 and desperately seeking babies. My husband and I have only been trying for about 4 months, but to me it feels like so much longer. I've wanted to have kids since I was like 8 and my clock's been ticking for at least 7 to 8 years now, but I wanted to be married and have a partner in this. I finally tracked him down four years ago and we dated for two before finally tying the knot. The only string attached was a compromise - I wanted kids right away, he wanted to wait until 30 - so we agreed that we we would be married two years first before trying. That was last February.

Since then I've been logging my stats and chatting with others trying to conceive. Its been an emotional roller-coaster. Do you realize how easy it is for people to have 'mistakes' and 'accidentally' get pregnant? When you really want it its astounding how much is against you. Did you know that there are only three days each month that are ideal for conception? That's three days out of thirty, only 36 days out of the whole year! So if this month isn't is, we have to wait about two more weeks to try and then wait about two weeks after that to know if it worked. I never knew how slow a month could go until now.

I'm already drained from the internal feelings I dealing with but on top of that I'm at the age where everyone else I know is already pregnant, just had a new baby, or already has a house full. I can not go a day at work or on Facebook without seeing someones sonogram or newborn pictures. To tell you the truth, I've considered canceling my Facebook account until we do get pregnant. Please don't get me wrong, I'm happy as a clam for all of my friends lucky enough to have this blessing in their lives but its really hard to smile on the outside when each time you hear 'their' news, your heartbreaks just a little more.

Ok, getting off my soapbox now....

While you might catch me complaining along the way, this blog is not about just that. I want to log this time and hopefully it will distract me from being too overwhelmed by waiting for that positive.

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