Keeping the Door Open with all Possibilities

CD 1

Well I think its time to call it. I had spotting and a negative test yesterday and today AF if rolling in. I am a little sad - I really did have a lot of hope this cycle. I was feeling good, thought I had symptoms and had probably the best positive attitude I've had this whole year.

But alas all is not lost. That is just one month down and we can try again this month. Part of my optimism right not is being funneled through some different kind of outlets. I know there are a lot of things people believe in. Some people turn to religion, some to a more naturalistic approach, some believe in everything. I guess I would say I'm more around the last part. I have a rocky belief system right now (and have for years) when it comes to religion but I still believe. I still have faith. I also believe you can look elsewhere for advice, understanding or just plain hope.

A good friend of mine has the ability see Auras and I fully believe she can. This isn't something she broadcasts but so sweetly shared this with me a year or so ago. The first time she 'saw' my colors I was a purple with a green block. She told me she saw clear tubes but was not sure what the blockage was. At the time we did not know about the hubby's varicocele.

Well last week I asked her to 'read' me again (first time since the surgery) and she said i was Orange - ORANGE AURA COLOR: Relates to reproductive organs and emotions. The color of vitality, vigor, good health and excitement. Lots of energy and stamina, creative, productive, adventurous, courageous, outgoing social nature; currently experiencing stress related to appetites and addictions.

This gave me a nice little boast to get through the last few days of my 2WW. Not only was there no longer a block but orange relates to reproductive organs! I must say I felt very fertile this cycle. I think that 10mg of Clomid really bumped things up. Also, a few weeks ago I was in a low spot and figured just for the heck of it I would get a baby reading. I had seen a link to Cheri's site before but had not gone as far ask for a reading. Well that day I did and my reading finished this weekend.

Here is a little bit of it - They show a Girl and they relate her to APRIL so this is either birth month, conceive month or the month you find out in. They are showing me something linked to the 16-23, so not sure if you can look ahead and see if this would be linked to either your testing or ovulation?

There were a lot more details she included but this was the main part I was looking for. So April is not over yet and I'm not counting it out. Maybe, just maybe I'll get myself knocked up this month!

Water

CD 29 - 12 DPO

This past weekend was pretty busy and went by fast. The hubby unfortunately was not home because he had to work at a weekend sales show. Once he got home last night we sat down and caught up on how the last few days had gone . Well it only took a few minutes and he got all exciteable and told me he brought me a present home. He makes me get up and come in the kitchen where he proceeds to open the fridge and hands me this full water bottle with a big cheesy grin on his face.

Now this girl right here loves presents so this is always a good way to win me over but I am pretty sure I had a very odd look on my face after giving me this water bottle. Then he says -"Everyone girl I saw this weekend was Knocked Up so I figured it must be in the water. So I brought you some."

His sweet little butt brought me home one of the best presents ever. I just love that man.

P.S. if you missed I have a small giveaway open until Friday -here

The Tragic Tale of POAS

CD 27 - 10 DPO

It is that time again - that almost to the end of that limbo place. That regardless of what the internet says maybe for me a test will be positive a few days before AF is due thinking. The time when the 'oh what will one little test hurt' thinking? Surely I am not alone in thinking that if I was knocked up the test would be positive a few days early anyways, right? Oh wait, that's not how it works? Then why do I continue to have that in my head each month.....

Step 1 - agonize over the FF chart multiple times to plan when a good time to test will be
Step 2 - completely ignore the rational through process used in previous step
Step 3 - take inventory of the tests you have in hand and determine how many you can spare for just one or maybe two early test days
Step 4 - go buy more because if your going to do two early tests, why not three?
Step 5 - look yourself in the mirror and say "You are strong, you do not need to test early!"
Step 6 - test early
Step 7 - stare at test strip the whole time it develops
Step 8 - watch the very fast negative result and with your awesome will power make it turn positive
Step 9 - acknowledge that your mind powers suck
Step 10 - throw away the test, sigh and continue on with your day
Step 11 - ten minutes later, grab the test out of the trash can and look at it under natural light to make sure there is not a very, very faint line
Step 12 - repeat the previous step multiple times during the next hour
Step 13 - remind yourself that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different outcome
Step 14 - acknowledge that you are insane and check it just one more time
Step 15 - do it all again tomorrow

If you could not tell by now I caved this morning and stupidly wasted a test. The tragic part is that this is a pretty truthful outline for each month.

To use a positive spin, I'm still not out.

Positive Friday Giveaway

CD 26 - 9 DPO

Shaking things up this week for Positive Friday. I mentioned a little while back that I planned to do a small giveaway when I reached 50 followers. Well I got there and blew past it! I love my blogger friends so much and how much you have all inspired and supported me. So as my little thank you I have two things to offer to you ladies.

First is this precious little pair of bird earrings. They are just dainty and adorable!

Second I have a pack of Ovulation Strips that most all of us use -

So I guess your now interested to know how you could win? Well since there are two prizes I'm giving you two chances to enter.

#1 - Tell me what you like about my blog and what would you like to see more of. Or do you have any suggestions? Do you have a favoriate post i've done before?

#2 - Since today is Positive Friday I want you guys to share the Positive Vibes. Crete your own Positve post and link back to this giveaway. Encourage others to think of at least one thing positive about their day. (if you need an example- check here or here) You can call the post whatever you want and it does not have to be long just positive.

Please only comment once for each option (two entries only per person/blog). Make sure I have a way of contacting you. This is open to all of my followers, local and international. If your email is not listed please include it in your comment. I will announce a winner next Friday.

A New Song

CD 25 - 8 DPO

Quitely making it through this 2WW and doing my best to be hopeful and have positive throughts. No real sympotoms but you just never know.

I have mentioned Christina Perri before because I just love her voice, sound and the pure emotion she puts in her music. Yet again she has given me a song I can fully connect to. I know it was written from a place of heartache about a relationship but to me it speaks to so much more and could really be an IF song. The loneliness is one of the major parts of this struggle we are all dealing with. That empty feeling of being alone in our journey really does take over sometime. I cried the first time I heard it.

(here is the link if you can not see the video here)

Hope During the 2WW

CD 22 - 5 DPO

I purchased this necklace last week because it really stood out to me. I think Hope can stand for so many things. We have done all we can this cycle and now all that is left is to be positive and hopeful. So I plan to wear my new necklace everyday this 2WW as an open expression of what I am hoping for. Who knows it might even bring good vibes, it might be just what I need and then it again it might just be a piece of jewelry but what it stands for is so much more. I hope that this month is our month. I hope this month is your month. And I hope we can get through this day, week, month, year with as much hope as we can handle.

April Fools, Positive Day and All Things Inbetween

CD 20 - 3 DPO

I had a nice little post planned for Friday but things just got busy and I ran out of time to finish it. So just pretend that today is April Fools Day for this first part.....

We had a few cute little pranks at work today but I am not a big prankster so I did not plan or try anything. Boring, I know! But I can say this, I am myself an April Fool's joke (AFJ). You see my parents were only married about a year when my Dad called up his mother in law to tell her that my Mom was knocked up. She freaked out about how soon it was and did they have the money and would they be ok...etc. Well then he clued her in that it was just an AFJ. Few laughs later and they just moved on. Then about two weeks later my Mom of course found out that she was indeed expecting. So I am my Dad's AFJ and he has never played another joke again. Oh how I wish that joke would work now.....

Things were pretty interesting on the TV front with new IF stuff. If you watch Grey's Anatomy or Parenthood you know what I am talking about. I must say that while I cried extra hard while watching both of these shows I was so happy to see IF and the struggles on primetime. I hope they do not turn away from these story lines too quickly.

Positive Weekend!

Ok I'll make this short and sweet. Here are a few small things I'm positive about -

1. Today we worked really hard out in the yard to set up flower beds for my grandmother's birthday. She loves flowers and playing in the yard so of course she loved it.

2. I get to back a cake this weekend.

3. My couponing venture is going well so far. I saved over 50% on a trip to Walgreen's this week and got a few other deals. I also got a printer and hopefully I can get it hooked up soon to get even more savings.

4. Work is picking up and I am so glad to have more to do :)

5. I'm already a few days into the 2WW. There is nothing more I can do now but just hope.

And last a quick symptoms note. I'm not sure if it is a side affect from the Clomid or a symptoms but my boobs have been sore as heck since OV!

Hope you all have a lovely weekend!