First let me say that this is a hard blog for me to write and honestly might not be for everyone to read. I mean no offense to anyone and while I pose my question I mean no disrespect, just having a hard time getting this out the right way.
I would love to say I have faith. I really want to have faith. I really want to know with my heart that there is a higher being that we are being watched over and taken care of - I honestly do. I have so much respect for people that do.
I have been lost for quite a while.
So I want to ask this - Of you that have faith of some kind, in this IF world, how to do it? Without using scripture or feeling the pull to Save me - how do you stay faithful and strong in your beliefs?
I am not trying to start any kind of arguments, like I said, I really want to have faith but I can never fully reach it. I have watched so many of my friends have very fulfilling faithful lives and all of them are blessed with marriages at early ages (like I wanted) and all have at least one child (obviously like I want) and instead of feeling pulled to that I only feel jealously. I feel like my pull to want to have faith is driven by my desire to have children. Like, if having faith will give me children then I'll happily just in that boat. But I know that is not the answer, I know that a selfish desire of mine is not a way to start or rekindle a relationship with God.
But on days like today, when I need to believe, when I know that I need something more, all I feel is anger, jealously and a painful sadness.
What gives you the strength to pull through the awful days?
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