The First Bit

So I have a few things to update on but I’m splitting this up into two blogs. One nicer and one not so nice.

Here’s the not so nice. That way I can end on a good note.

Sunday I went to a very large baby shower and I really believed that at some point I was going to implode. There were 25 women, 4 toddlers, 2 newborns all in a small room. It was my Cousin (in law)'s shower and I love her to death. She has had a rough go of it this time (her second, unplanned child) and I'm glad to see she's feeling better. But, whew! That was one kind of something there. Way too many people and way too loud. I left with such a bad headache mostly from the noise but also from the few times I really had to fight back tears. There is something about baby socks that really pushes me over the edge. Lets just say she got at least 50 pairs!

And then Yesterday sucked. It really did…..
Over all I was having a nice day. I took Monday off and was in a good mood most of the day. Well during a work thing I was kidding around with a friend about something silly and she didn’t find it very funny I guess. Apparently I have been grating on her nerves lately so any joking was not welcome. Well I said something along the lines of I’m not trying to be a Bitch, I was just kidding. Well then she nicely, jokingly hugged me and said in front of at least 4 co workers “Well, actually you have been a Bitch for quite a while now. I love you but you have been”.

Normally this wouldn’t get to me too much and I could just shrug it off. But I wasn’t feeling good and knowing her, I know how much she really meant it. Not to mention that she said this in front of other people, it just really stung and it was all I could do not to start crying right there. I was able to keep it together for a bit then slink back to my desk where I just could not help by cry a bit. After that I was done for the day. I cried on the way home and while at home and to my husband.

(At her defense, she did hint to me last Friday when I was talking to her about my doctor's appointment that I should ask about my mood swings. This I felt was a very nice way to put it and I really did get the point. At the time I really appreciated her way of sneaking that in there.)

So this really got to me and I just can't help but think how much this all sucks. I can't really talk about how I'm feeling to everyone and overall no one really understands anyways. I have to stop and remember not that if someone asks how I'm doing, really they don't want to know. That I just need to give an ok and move on. I also need to remember that I might love my co-workers more then they do me. Its an office full of women and we are bound to get on each others nerves and I shouldn't take it too personally. But sometimes you just can't help it.

I also need to stop talking to everyone over all. I have about three people to update and are there when I really need to talk but for everyone else, I'm not going to say anything anymore. I am going to hush more at work until I can be 'less moody' and have my normal perkiness back.

That's another thing, I am overall a happy, upbeat person. all my life I have to either really happy or depressed. No one can look at me and just expect that I am ok if I'm not bubbly. Why is this? If i was a sullen person all the time and was cheery only so often, would you ask me if something was wrong then?



Ok, I'm over this rant and I'm moving on.....and I really want to say thank you to all of you who have been reading and caring. And to those whom I have talked your ear off, I really do appreciate you even if your sick of me now.