Shopping turned bad

I had a movie moment yesterday. That’s the best description I can come up with for it. That overly quiet, stretched out time frame used in movies to be dramatic. If you have seen the Hurt Locker you might understand what I’m trying to describe. There is this scene where the guy is standing in the grocery store aisle just staring at all the cereal boxes. He is overwhelmed with the day to day things and does not know how to handle this task based on what he has been use to.

My point is this….yesterday I had to suck it up and go shopping for baby shower items. I missed my SIL’s shower and she is being induced next week so I had to get them something. And my cousin is having her shower on Sunday. So I had some extra time and said, “Ok, you CAN do this! And when your done you’ll get Starbucks.” This was my treat, focus on this and get through. Honestly I did pretty good while printing off the registries and picking out the items. I just focused on the list and finding the part numbers. Get in and get out, this was the plan. Then I have to pick out gift bags. This was tough. All these cute little bags, but once I was able to focus I was ok. On to the cards…

Then I had my movie moment. I’m standing there in the card aisle and just overwhelmed. There are just so many cards.
New parents cards, Baby Shower cards, Baby’s Here! Cards, Single Mother cards (wow this has to be a new trend), Little fingers and toes, Congrats!, You’re Blessed, It’s a Boy!, It’s a Girl!, It’s Twins!, Little Bundle of Joy, Bringing Home the Baby, Newborn Cards, Singing Cards, cards with animals, blue cards, pink with polka dots, Being Pregnant cards……………..
I end up just standing there and staring. I have no idea what to do. My eyes are brimming with tears and I’m worried that if I do so much as move I’m going to lose it right there in the store. Finally I realize this lady is waiting for my to move my cart and I’m able to get myself together and just walk away. Needless to say they will not be getting a card from us.

It ruined my evening. I got home and my husband assumed I had a bad day and kept trying to get me to talk about it. I know he does his best to understand but he just doesn’t get this part. The overwhelming feelings and emotions part. He wants us to be pregnant, mostly because I want it so bad, but he doesn’t have the emotional attachment that I have to it. It’s hard to explain and I felt like such an idiot trying to tell him that I almost cried in the card aisle. Thankful I didn’t breakdown but just kind of checked out for the evening. I had no idea what to make for dinner. I finally made him decide - soup and grilled cheese. Ok good, that’s easy. Well apparently easy was too hard for me because I burnt the crap out of his sandwich and about start crying. But the wonderful husband that he is just said it was fine and ate it. Then I just went to bed.

Today I feel better but I’m starting to dread the next few weeks. Great time to have a 2WW huh?