A Song

It is sometimes rare to come across a song that sings directly to you.
Today this one did to me -

Why are you so far from me?
In my arms is where you are to be
How long will you make me wait?
I don't know how much more I can take
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
Slowly counting down the days
Till I finally know your name
The way your hand feels round my waist
The way you laugh, the way your kisses taste
I missed you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
How I do
How I do
I've missed you but I haven't met you
Oh how I miss you but I haven't met you
Oh but I want to
Oh how I want to
Dear whoever you might be
I'm still waiting patiently

(listen to it here)

Empty Places of Waiting

Well November is here and the waiting should be over. But alas it is not.
After many talks about money and vibes - the husband and I have decided to wait until January to try our first IUI.

Some days it feels like the decision is just silly and we should just suck it up and not wait. And other days I think the fear of failing is where my bad vibes are coming from. But overall with the husband still fresh into a new job, the holiday stress approaching quickly, our schedule changes, and work getting busier - the timing just does not feel right.

One thing I have noticed is that my hope level of conception without medical help is diminishing quickly. I did not chart last month and am not right now either. I am losing the faith that maybe it could 'just happen'. I would like to say it is a fleeting feeling that will pass but I think that it is my head telling me to be smart about things.

We are quickly approaching two years of TTC and my birthday will be here soon. The time seems to be speeding by and everyone's babies are growing up. I am watching and hearing all these lovely stories that I want to experience myself but instead our extra bedroom is still just that - extra space. Just like my uterus. So for now we will have more empty places.

Positivity

It has been a while but I am still around. Things have been going well and honestly my emotional roller-coasters have slowed down quite a bit and have allowed me to rest and just be myself. I have a been a happy and busy girl.

We are still in a waiting pattern right now. The schedules from an end to summer vacation and the hubby's new job have had us out of town a bit and unsure of what each week has planned. So with that said, the calendar looks clear and we hope to have our very first IUI in November!

So if I'm going to do this blog thing today, might as well do it right and have a Positive Friday post. Here goes....

1. Today was an awesome day! My mood was great, it went fast and now it is the weekend
2. We got free pizza at work. One of our customers loves his rep and he ordered Pizza to be delivered to us today and it was soooo tasty!
3. I got some good deals this week while couponing and have really enjoyed getting myself organized and in the know with those coupons.
4. Went to a concert last night downtown and enjoyed a lovely outside show. The weather was perfecto.
5. Have another concert planned on Sunday that I can't wait for.
6. Fall network shows are back! It is crazy how much I love stupid TV. (have any of you seen any good new shows? Any duds?)
7. I have a bit of time to myself tonight because the hubby has boys night. And that means I do not have to cook dinner.
8. Tomorrow we are having a little bonfire in the drive way and some friends are coming by. I am looking forward to good friends and smores.
9. I came how today to the sweetest package in the mail. This last month I signed up on another blog to do Secret Sisters month where you get to meet other ladies dealing with IF and have a bit of support for a while. I really enjoyed it and my wonderful sweet secret lady. I loved chatting with her by email. Then today I get home and she had sent the sweetest little package with a big ol' awesome smelling cancel and holder. Both were cupcake themed (which I freakin adore) and I am just so tickled about it.

So what about each of you? What have I missed? The good and the bad, lets here it. Get it out and then end with a positive note. Start the weekend off right and remember while things are tough there are always a few good things can make you smile.

The Ups and Downs

....I've been high and I've been low.....
(sorry that is the singing in my head, its a Train song)

I have been a busy busy bee lately with life and work. However no matter how busy I get or how much I do I can still hear and feel that ticking clock in the background. My husband's birthday is coming up this week and mine is not that far away either. I know we are just waiting now to try out our first IUI and its only a matter of another month or so, but the waiting makes me feel just useless.

This last month I did not track the cycle with the monitor or sticks and just went with it. On some days I could forget about the time in the background. However I do know my body well enough now to have an idea of what is going on even when not tracking. Without the definite dates on the cycle days I did not notice how much I continued to internally hope that maybe, just maybe this cycle would be a miracle. Towards the end of it I even got hopefully enough to test but like normal it was a BFN. And then the next day the spotting showed up. I felt crushed and stupid all at the same time.

For a few days of spotting I got over the disappointment and then when AF kicked in I started worrying. (FYI, TMI) I had huge blog clots which is not normal for my cycles at all. After three days of this my mind really started to wonder if we had been successful this month but then lost it. I wonder how many ladies question this each month. Do you ever feel haunted by the wondering and loss of hope? Maybe it is this just a cycle of the hormones and AF making my mind go a little crazy.

Now that AF has passed and a new month started all I can do now is go back to hoping again and seeing how things go. I've told myself that instead of hoping for a successful cycle I am just going to chart the next two months actively and have it for the doctor when we try for the IUI. This will keep me feeling busy and active and preparing for our next step.

Giveaway Reminder

Hi Ladies!

No new updates on my end really, just waiting for AF to show up (what fun).
How are you guys doing? Anything exciting going on?

I did a book review for a book club blog on an IF/TTC book. You can see it - HERE

I also wanted to post a quick reminder on my giveaway. I can't believe there are no entries yet! Just to confirm this is not limited to the US so you can enter wherever you are. There are mutiple chances to win too so go check it out!

CLICK HERE

Pre-Seed Giveaway! _ CLOSED

*UPDATE*

The Giveaway is over and the winner was Amy (A Southern Love)!!!

thank you so much to all who entered!

I have one full size bottle of Pre-seed lubricant to giveaway to
one lucky TTC reader!

Unless you are new to the TTC world I think it is safe to say you have at least heard of the ‘Fertility-friendly’ Pre~Seed and if so you just might have tried it. My husband and I have and still use it. This is why I jumped at the chance to host a giveaway.

The hubby and I are currently TTC and have been using Pre-Seed for a while now. Over the past year we have learned that our main IF issues is less than stellar sperm. While TTC, I personally feel a bit of stress being lifted knowing we are giving his swimmers as much help as possible by using Pre-Seed.

Before the giveaway here are a few Pre-seed facts -

• Traditional lubricants harm sperm because they have the wrong pH or osmolality (ion/salt concentration) or because they have ingredients in them such as glycerol (glycerin) which is toxic to sperm, especially at body temperatures.

• Pre~Seed mimics natural body secretions to relieve vaginal dryness while providing an optimal sperm environment. Its moisture is delivered in the same pH , osmolality and viscosity (thickness) as fertile cervical mucus. Pre~Seed does not harm sperm and is less irritating to women than the leading lubricants

• Pre-Seed can be found at most drugstores these days. My local CVS and Target currently stock it. If you have trouble finding it you can also do so online. To find it closest to you click HERE.
  

On to the giveaway! Please read the following on how to enter.

In order to win you have to be a follower of Waiting For That Positive AND like Pre~Seed on Facebook . Stop by their page and let them know I sent you.
(this counts as your first entry. comment below with something like this - "I follow you and stopped by the Pre-Seed FB page")

Since I like you all so much, here are a few more ways to earn entries.
These all count as one entry each and need separate comments.

• 
  
  
  Add my button to your blog - link can be found to the right.



• 
  
  
  Go to the Pre~Seeds website and tell me one thing you've learned that I have not mentioned here.



• 
  
  
  Tweet this giveaway! Can be done once a day and you must leave a perma link! Each tweet gets 1 extra entry!



• 
  
  
  Check out one of my Positve Friday's posts and tell me something positive about your day, week or TTC journey.

Giveaway is open for ONE WEEK! And will close on August 21st at noon central time.

Positve Friday

So this will be just a quick one but a good one. I want to get back to doing my Positive Friday posts again. Things have been going well but we are just in a holding pattern right now on the baby making front. I'm not charting and just waiting until the schedule clears and we can plan an IUI (hopefully November - fingers crossed!).

A few positives for today -
-Got to leave work early today :D
Had a doctor's appointment and was able to happily tell him that I'm feeling a lot better emotional -wise and have not had any breakdowns since being in.
- Went on vacation a couple of weeks ago and have a lovely time. Even got a tattoo while there. I'll post more about it later on.
- Work is busy and I'm having a nice time training new people.
- Starting next week I get to train a lady flying in from Australia. I can not wait to get to meet her and hang out. I'll have her as a contact for at least a while and I am looking forward to getting to know her.
- I have a few family members in town that I get to see this weekend
- I've been entering in a lot of sweepstakes lately and got a full mailbox this afternoon that included a pair of jeans and a kids bike (we'll have to wait to use that one!)
- Last but not least, I'm hosting a giving away this next week. So make sure to come back!

Hope everyone is doing well and have a positive day!