Positive Friday

I guess its time to wrap up with week with a few Positives.

1. Had a great time finding new blogs this week with ICLW. I might be delayed in some commenting but plan to catch up in the morning.
2. Hit 100 posts! I know it is silly but I’m proud that I have stuck with this blogging thing.
3. I’m finishing up a Tupperware Catalog party so now I get to pick out the stuff I want!
4. Get to go to a concert this weekend with my Mom. She is one of my best friends and we hardly ever get just me and her time.
5. I think my job interview went well. I’m pretty sure I will not get the position based on who else applied but I felt good about getting to try. I am hoping this opens up a few doors for some other things
6. My hubby and I have decided to go to Florida for our anniversary this year so I’m having fun planning a few little activates for us.
7. Today is CD24 and I think I might actually have a few symptoms. However I’m not sure when OV was so I could just be crazy. Until proven otherwise I’ll just be hopeful.
8. It was a great day at work today. Was invited out to lunch with a few people, everyone was in a good mood and the weather was nice.

I hope each of you can find a nice thing or two to be happy about today. Feel free to share here!

Blog Awards!

Well I have had a big week on the blog award front. Boy you ladies are pretty wonderful!
And I just noticed this is my 100th post!

Both Travia and Browniris sent me the Stylish Blog Award

I also received the VersaThe Versatile Blogger Award from the wonderful Summastarlet

(make sure you stop by her blog and give her a nice hi -she has had a rough go lately and we could always use an extra bit of support)

The rules for accepting this award are:

1. Thank and link back to the person who awarded you the award.

2. Share 7 things about yourself.

3. Award 15 other bloggers.

4. Contact these bloggers and tell them about the award.

Since I ended up with both of these I’ll do a few more than 7 little tidbits -

1. I am not a big ‘outside’ kind of person. When I was younger my Dad use to say I ran and hid anytime an activity involved being outside. Honestly its that that I do not like being hot and have suffered from allergies all my life.

2. With that being said I love decorating with Trees. I have pictures of trees, an odd tree log statue thing (no idea what to call it), cherry blossom branches and even a huge tree mural in my living room painted by my best friend.

3. I love Internet shopping and finding great deals. I have a lot of websites that I check out each day for daily deals.

4. In addition to deals, I also love originally things so I adore Etsy. A few of my favorite shops include ones like:

Dainty Jewelry , my husband got me a necklace from this shop once and our bedroom has this wonderful set of prints

5. I have short hair, have for a very long time. Longer hair just looks stupid on me. It ranges from pixie short to pretty short. Sometimes it is a bit hard to girly up with short hair so I love adding in flowers or feathers like these . The best part about it, my husband loves it. He is not a long hair kind of guy so it works out just right.

6. I already know how I will decorate a baby’s room once we get to that point. (you can probably guess) I came across this artist a few years ago while visiting Asheville, NC and fell in love. So one day we will have a tree mural like this one here or here.

7. One of my customers told me yesterday that I have a voice like warm honey. I don’t know about that but it was pretty funny.

8. I am a TV addict! Reality, vampires, kid shows, new shows, blue shows, old shows :)

9. I love reading even more than TV. About a year and half ago I started a book club and it is one of the best things I get to do each month.

10. I had a job interview today (wish me luck!)

11. I love most anything Disney. When I was younger I collected Sleeping Beauty items including a few snow globes and marketing items.

12. I have a history of twins from both sides of my family. Sometimes I secretly hope that we’ll end up with twins and other days it just terrifies me.

-

Now I am suppossed to pick out a few blogs to award these two. But I've got to run and I think these have been making the rounds lately so if you already have one or both of these please just pass it along to one more person. If you have not recieved one yet, then grab them up and share with us your tidbits of you.

a little article

While stopping by at all the many wonderful blogs participating this month with ICLW....




IComLeavWe: Join the Conversation

I came across something to make me stop. One blog mentioned an article (here) on Self.com. It is a short one but left me in tears.

First I'll say that I am not judging this couple what so ever. Their story left me sad and like I said, in tears. To a point I can understand wanting to keep quite and not having to answer questions that might be hurtful or too pushy but I just hurt for them that they have to go out of town to hide this. I know there are so many women out there that do hide their IF issues but I have not heard a story like this.

Some days I find it really hard to cope with IF. I feel imaginary eyes on me questioning what our problem might be or just judging us. But other days I need other people to understand, I need to have a a bit of compassion. I need to have my blog to turn to and to know I am not the only one out there. I can not imagine not talking to my own Mom or best friend about this. I am a very open person and even if I had thought to from the start I do not know if I could go through this alone and quietly.

Have any of you kept quite? Have or are you hiding your struggle from your family and friends? If so have you opened up now or do you plan to? If you have not told them, what do you wish you could?

New Followers

I just hit 30 followers. Love it! This community has been one of the best parts about TTC because I know I am not alone.

If I have not found you yet or are not following you already please let me know so I can come check out your space. I have really enjoyed getting to know all my bloggie friends so far and learning more about all of you.

ICLW and Positive Friday

Welcome to all my new and old visitors. We are TTC and currently dealing with Male Infertility issues.

If your new you can see our history timeline along this side --------->

Our current status is kind of unknown. We are technically trying but I am not charting or POS this month. We are hopeful that a recent Veraicoclele Repair was successful but it is too soon to tell. Our chances were 2-3% before surgery and hopefully it is a bit higher than that now. So if you are stopping by and like to share positive vibes - they are most welcome! I love my followers and do my best to keep up with all you.

I've been a little slack the last few weeks but each Friday I try to stop regardless of my mood or outside influences and consider some positive things that I can be thankful for. I like to share these and encourage all who stop by to do the same. You can leave me a comment with something positive you came up with or even better have your own positive post.

So here are mine. Most are pretty small and silly but add them together and it makes for a good day. It is nice to start off the weekend with a good attitude. -

1. If you read my last post you might have noticed the week did not start of with the best of news. The positive part is that my hubby is feeling better, we have talked it out and a new surgery is scheduled.
2. We got a lovely bit of snow overnight so we woke up to a very nice morning view.
3. The roads were bad on the way into work and even through I had a few sliding spells we made it to work safe and sound. Even better the sun it out now and if melting away the ice now so the drive home will be a lot better.
4. They posted a new position at work that is a step up and I've applied. Even if I do not get it this is great because it opens up just one more door for advancement later on.
5. We have scheduled our first vacation of the year for next month and we can not wait!
6. The Sampler Village put the January boxes on sale this month and I have already ordered mine. They are boxes of homemade items that sold so you can try out new stuff. I just love getting these in the mail.
7. I love ICLW week so I'm excited it started today. Now I have all weekend to find new blogs and get to know new stories.

Happy Friday Everyone!

Just Not Good

Well the hubby just got back from his follow up with the urologist and now he has a Hydrocoele. Pretty much its just a fluid sac that happens to 1 out of 10 that have a varicocele repair. He is a very unhappy guy right now and I think he is mad at me. I did not go to this appointment since it was just a follow up but the doctor was running behind so he was already annoyed. Once he did see the doc it was not the best of news. When I tried to follow on how it went because he did not automatically call he just told we he would have to have surgery again, another bill and another week off of work. Then he just said he had to get off the phone and go into work.

He is mad. Now I'm stuck at work and can not talk to him about it. I just want to cry.

The SHG

Sorry it took me a few days to update about my ultrasound. I planned on writing about it over the weekend but it was just not a good one on the TTC-attitude front. In addition to my gripe-fest yesterday my brother in law decided to tell me yesterday that he was talking about us to his church class because another couple was TTC and having issues. Its not really any of their business but I’m fine with that part he tells me I just needed not to stress about it. It was all I could do not to roll my eyes at him and say something snarky. Um, yeah four kids later….I bet you really do know what its like! (Moving on…..)
Today is the start to a new week and I’m in a good mood. I’m listing to Michael Buble and its just making me smile. Before I go on with all the gory details I'll start off by saying the SHG went well and my tubes are clear. Hooray! (there is a dance involved you just can’t see it but feel free to picture me being ridiculous)
I left work early to go to my appointment Thursday and did not realize how nervous I was until I was putting on my coat and noticed my heart was racing. Honestly I think a good part of it was the fact the office was downtown. I absolutely hate driving somewhere I am not familiar with and hate it even more so when it is downtown. But I sucked it up got there and luckily they had a free parking lot. Once inside I was taken back very quickly and had a very nice nurse. I did find it pretty funny that she was instant messaging someone while I was getting situated on the table. So she started out with an internal ‘probe’ scan. She used the ‘wand’ to measure all size and volume of my uterus and both ovaries. That part was really quite easy and fast. I do not know what I was expecting but then she told me she would go get the doctor. This doctor was a man (never had a man doc before) and he was foreign (no idea where from). He looked like a mix between Santa and the Russian spy from the TV show Archer on FX (a very funny show if you like that kind of humor).

Anyways doctor comes in - I only understand about 50% of what he is saying – and he shows me this itty bitty tube thing they will be using. When you push up on it it is like a little air bubble expands to create a small circular mass on the tube about the size of a small grape. My assumption, that is about as big as it gets and that is not too scary at all. So he does a little iodine swiping and they start to insert the tube thing. All is well, I’m just fine, I can see a picture of my uterus up on the wall TV for my viewing pleasure. Then the nurse proceeds to tell me I will have a bit of cramping which I expected because of my research and a few of you mentioned it. I did not however expect it to be like that. She tells me it is like expanding my uterus from flat and empty to six months pregnant in the matter of seconds. Now I really think I have a higher pain tolerance than some but this was too quick and shocking - I jerked so hard on that table I scared the nurse and gave myself a crick in my neck. After what felt like forever my cramping lessened and it got much better. They used the probe again so I could see the uterus pictures as they checked everything out. When it came to my tubes I could actually see the fluid moving through them. This was such a nice sign and created a great bit of relief.

He told me everything looked pretty good but I did have something small hanging out in the middle of my uterus. He said it was either a small polyp or a cluster of blood cells. Blood cells would be just fine and they would eventually flush out on their own. However a polyp might be a bit more troublesome because it could create attaching issues when we do have a successful cycle. Pretty much if the egg attaches to it instead of the lining then the pregnancy would result in miscarriage. He did not provide any statistics but said they would send the pictures to my Doc and she would decide how to proceed. I think I was just glad to hear I had open tubes so the fear of this possibility did not stress me out too much.

Friday afternoon I called my Doc and talked to one of my Nurses. She said it was indeed a polyp but my Doc said there was nothing to do about it and not to worry. I was a bit concerned because at first she said the polyp was on an ovary. I questioned the location and she reread the paperwork to see it was in the uterus. I tried to ask if this would change what my Doc would suggest and told her what the ultrasound doctor said and she did not seem interested. This was the first time I have spoken with this nurse and honestly I did not like her as much as the one I normally talk to. For now I am going to try and not be concerned with this very small maybe.

In trying not to worry I have only done a very little bit of research on polyps but found the following -

Whether uterine polyps lead to infertility remains controversial. However, if you have uterine polyps and you've been experiencing infertility, removal of the polyps might boost your fertility. In one study, infertile women who underwent surgical polyp removal (hysteroscopic polypectomy) had much higher pregnancy rates — 63 percent versus 28 percent — after intrauterine insemination (IUI) than did women with uterine polyps who underwent IUI alone

If guess I will look into it more if we end up having to go the IUI route. For now I’m just going to do some hoping and praying.

Tomorrow the hubby has a follow up appointment with the urologist.

A trip to China town is like a kick in the Ovaries

Don't you just love how one small event can change the direction of your day or alter your mood? The same situation might affect me differently on any other day but today it just got to me.

My husband and I ran in to Walmart (aka China town) today to pick up a few little things. We were finishing up and forgot something so we backtracked to get it. While walking up to check out we ran into a girl we use to know. She was not a person we saw a lot but was just the ex-girlfriend of a mutual friend. It has been about two years since we last saw her and in that time she got married and had a child. When I had originally heard she was pregnant it stung a bit but did not affect me too much. But today it nearly brought me to tears. She is younger than me and has a beautiful little girl. Her eyes were blue as could be and all I could do was stare. Here is this girl that has what I've wanted for years and she just happened to get knocked up while planning her wedding. It has been a few hours now and I feel a bit better but it took a while for me to clear my mind enough to keep from wanting to cry.

On another annoying note - has anyone noticed how many freaking celebrities have announced pregnancies this last week or so?

Natalie Portman
Kate Hudson
Selma Blair
Jewel
Marion Cotillard
Tia Mowery
Victoria Beckham
and as I'm freaking writing this darn blog I see a new announcement about Alicia Silverstone

If this year is as active as the first few weeks of January then this is going to be one big annoying year!

Randoms

Not a whole lot going on right now so I am just going to throw out a few random things-

SHG is today.

My sister has been diagnosed with endometriosis and will have to have surgery in a few months.

We've had some nice snow here the last few days and it has been really pretty.

Got to hang out with my Mom over the weekend and it was nice to have just me and her time talking about all kinds of stuff. It is probably the first time I've got to talk to her about our stuff and it not getting me upset or feeling like I need to shut down.

How awful is it that I'm happy that a TV show is possibly going to have infertility issues come up soon? One of the sister's from Parenthood has been TTC and last week she talked about how she has been the last few months, first getting excited and hopeful only to be let down.

This Bag of Clothes

While putting away Christmas decorations and pulling out winter sweaters I came across a bag of maternity clothes. It is a lonely bag of clothes that resides in my guest room and is growing more pitiful each day.

You see two years ago by best friend had a baby. Since we were not trying yet she borrowed out those clothes to a co worker. That coworker had her baby and then returned the clothes to my friend. (side note, same coworker has already had another one since then. Would that be considered a lap?) Anyways my best friend sent the clothes home with me instead of putting them in the attic because we would be getting pregnant very soon.......

That poor bag is still there in a closet. Its been a year now.

Every now and then I need something out of there and I'll look at the bag with a hint of sadness. Should I just give up and return it? Is it bringing me bad luck? Does luck have anything to do with it? What if she accidentally gets pregnant and needs it all back? Will I cry? Will that hurt?

I think it might be best to just close that closet door and put away the Christmas decorations later.....

Just a small update

AF finally showed up. I had a feeling it would and held out testing again. The good news about it showing up is that I got to call today and schedule my ladies part test. I had my test information incorrect. I thought I was scheduling an HSG and apparently I’m getting an SHG instead. I'll have to research the difference but I think the SHG sounds a little easier.

On another good note - I finally got all the right information and confirmed with my insurance that they will cover the test. Apparently we have a family planning section of our policy that covers testing and diagnosis. However the plan does not include anything else beyond that. So hopefully the hubby’s stuff will improve and they do not find any issues on my end. My test is a week from today and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that no issues are found.

Starting off the year unknowing

It feels weird to actually talk about cycle stuff after the last few months. Today is CD30 and I have no idea what is going on. I did not chart this month and am not sure when OV was. The last two months were perfect 28 day cycles and so far today there is not even a hint of pink. I had my doubts but I tested on Saturday and got a BFN. The holidays were not stressful for us so I do not think the delay is stress related. However I have been sick the last week with an upper respiratory infection and it has been kicking my butt. I have been on prescription meds and over the counter stuff - I think one of these is probably causing the delay. It’s nice to sit here for a moment, be completely unknowing and wonder what if. I do not feel different this month and have not noticed any symptom like things. I guess we’ll see how this week goes.

In the mean time, I finally talked to my Doc about our male infertility issues and asked if there was anything I could do testing while we wait for him to heal. She said she would be happy to send me for a HSG just to check all the tubes and such. I’m trying to find out if our insurance will cover any of it before scheduling it. If not then it will just have to wait a while. Keeping fingers crossed.