IComLeavWe: Join the Conversation
I came across something to make me stop. One blog mentioned an article (here) on Self.com. It is a short one but left me in tears.
First I'll say that I am not judging this couple what so ever. Their story left me sad and like I said, in tears. To a point I can understand wanting to keep quite and not having to answer questions that might be hurtful or too pushy but I just hurt for them that they have to go out of town to hide this. I know there are so many women out there that do hide their IF issues but I have not heard a story like this.
Some days I find it really hard to cope with IF. I feel imaginary eyes on me questioning what our problem might be or just judging us. But other days I need other people to understand, I need to have a a bit of compassion. I need to have my blog to turn to and to know I am not the only one out there. I can not imagine not talking to my own Mom or best friend about this. I am a very open person and even if I had thought to from the start I do not know if I could go through this alone and quietly.
Have any of you kept quite? Have or are you hiding your struggle from your family and friends? If so have you opened up now or do you plan to? If you have not told them, what do you wish you could?
Back before our losses, whenever people would ask those annoying questions, I would say, "wow, that's a private question." People pretty much stopped. I have gradually let people know about our RPL and many of them are people I work with. I wanted them to understand what was going on and that I wasn't a mental case. Just like you said, I always felt like all eyes were on me, judging me. Most of my friends know, too. I don't know how to not tell them about something that has consumed my life.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure if I would feel the same way about fertility treatments. I told very, very few people about my whole hysterscopy mess (with the balloon, the tail and the Tinact.in diaster) because it was just so private. Private part details I didn't want to make public.
These are great questions. I'm looking forward to reading the responses.
I am still somewhat quiet about our struggle. After finding out there was a problem most of my family thinks we stopped trying. I didnt want to open up bc we often get critisized. We have a child, so we should be happy with just him they think. Also my dads side religion(catholic) doesnt believe in alot of treatments. My mom doesnt understand my yearning and was very negative too. She is just now coming around. She supports me by not saying anything or watching ds for me when I have appts. This is very hard bc we are very close and I feel like I cant talk to her.
ReplyDeleteA few of my friends know but I feel awkward telling some people still. My blog and the tww website is my best outlet. I only know these woment through a computer but feel so connected. I can see why some people hide it but I wish we all could band together and share it with the world. Insurance should cover more etc. Maybe if we all stood up itd make a difference!
We haven't shared our struggle with our family, but our closest friends do know what we are going through. We often would like to share our story with our families, but we worry about being resentful of their reactions or lack of support. Infertility is hard enough without stacking anything else on top of it.
ReplyDeleteI'm reasonably open with my close friends about what's going on. I took a little longer to tell my mum as I wanted to surprise her. My partner's family has an idea we are ttc. My goal for this year is to not keep quiet..if someone asks they will be told we are having trouble. I think you'd be surprised the amount of people who have struggled to get UTD..I know I was once I started talking to people.
ReplyDeletereally interesting post..... We're fairly open about our issues (RPL). We sort of have to be, because each time I get pregnant I have to change my work duties, and with each pregnancy failure, I can go right back to my normal job. Honestly, for a long time we weren't open at all. I just couldn't stand to hear all of the dumb comments people would make, and since I thought of myself as a failure, I didn't want other people to see me that way. It's sort of changing now - I'm more open to my friends - but my mom and brother have been a wonderful source of support for me all along. IF has actually strengthened my relationship with my brother. I wish it could do that for all relationships....
ReplyDeleteLindsay, I have given you an award..more details on my blog
ReplyDeletehttp://summastarlet.blogspot.com/2011/01/award.html
I also nominated you Luv your blog so far. Come see http://travsrandomramblings.blogspot.com/
ReplyDeleteLadies you are just so sweet with your blog awarding! I'll have to get together a new post today with all my questions.
ReplyDeleteAlso thank you to each of you for sharing. I'm glad to hear that while we might all have differnt people to lean on, we all have someone.
Thank you so much for sharing your kind words with me. This has been a very rough 36 hours and I am glad that I have you and this community to lean on.
ReplyDeleteAP
We didn't make it as far as IVF (thankfully), but if we had I don't know how open we would have been about it. I was okay with talking about my pregnancy losses when I was ready and did a lot of blogging about them. I just don't know if I'd want everyone I know IRL who reads my blog (including some of my husband's coworkers) to be privy to that info. I know some folks wouldn't have been understanding or supportive, so I would have been fearful about talking about it.
ReplyDelete(visiting for ICLW)
I waited a few months and then only shared with my parents and one of my sisters (but then she told all the others) and my close friends. I still sometimes have a hard time talking about it with them. Even though my family knew everything, I still had a really hard time telling them I was starting IVF. But for me, it has helped release a lot of stress and emotion and they are pretty good about not saying anything harmful. I think it is good for them to know - to have an idea of where I am coming from even if they cannot relate at all. I still don't like the idea of people I know but am not close to getting involved and sharing with them. For me, there has to be more than a casual relationship - someone who actually cares about me first and so it isn't just an awkward pity party or something. I'm glad I opened up with my friends and family. Sometimes I felt like it was the elephant in the room before I told them.
ReplyDeleteLindsay,
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog!
We've been TTC for over 4 years now. So initially when we started, I was really open with people that we were trying for a baby and would talk to anyone who would listen. Then, when I wasn't happening very quickly, I started coming up with excuses as to why we are not pregnant yet. Then came a diagnosis - male factor (low sperm count and motility). Only our close family and 2 best friends know about that. When we started going trough procedures, first of IUI (inter uterine insemination), out of 5 that we've done in the past 2 years, our family knew of only 2. They are all feel very bad for us and want to help, but when I got bad news and had to make 5 phone calls and repeat same thing over and over again, really wanted to keep this whole process just between DH and I. Too bad that I only found blogging when I started with IVF, I wanted to keep that from the family too, but really needed their support. None of our friends or colleagues know about IVF, nobody at my office even know that we are TTC. As the years of TTC passed by, I've been very selective of whom I told and how much of information I shared, but I am very open with my many e-friends both in the blogging word and on ivf.ca forum. By the way, only DH, knows about my blog, but he doesn't like to read anyways :).
ICLW # 93