Monday, November 1, 2010

What is meant to be will be....

I have used and believed in this saying for years. It has proven to be correct in many of my major milestones - high school boyfriends, a job, even my wedding. With that said, I am now terrified of it.

There is always this big picture you can not see now that will one day light up and become clear. Now I'm sitting here wondering what is it that I don't know yet. Has my husbands SA opened up a door to get him to the doctor to find out something bad? Is this just a way to delay us a bit longer because there is something big coming we don't know about yet? So many unknown things I could worry about.

Up until this point, looking back I can see there were good reasons for things and overall I'm happy with the outcome. But right now I just don't know what can happen that would make not having a baby right now a good thing.


  1. "Reality looks much more obvious in hindsight than in foresight."

    Hindsight really is a wonderful thing.... but it doesn't necessarily transfer into foresight. The one thing is does do is allow us to appreciate what we would otherwise completely discard as a negative experience.

    One day you'll look back on this and be able to draw the positives. For now you are in a state of purgatory that I liken to a PT session where your trainer instructs you to do XYZ torture activity until they say stop. When will the say stop? Will this be easy? Will the be really hard? Do I need to keep some reserves? Ouch.. this is getting hard. Have you forgetten about me? Why haven't you said stop yet? CAN'T YOU SEE HOW MUCH PAIN I'M IN!??

    Like that PT session though, when it is all over, you walk away a little stiff and achey but feeling good. Proud of your performance. Proud of how strong you are.

    It certainly doesn't help in the interim. It doesn't answer the questions. It doesn't ease the fear. It doesn't buffer the pain. But with every little bit, you are learning and growing and becoming stronger. You may not realise it, but you really are AWESOME!!! :-)


  2. The unknown is sometimes such a scarey thing. Hang in there Lindsay...your wishes and dreams will come true...they're just taking the long way round as frustrating as that is.