Wednesday, February 16, 2011

What I really want to say…..

We have been trying a whole year now and today I am feeling very angry and mean. To try and get this out of my system I’m going to say some of the things I could not really say when talking about TTC to others….

“Just Relax”
Oh really? You know I haven’t heard that one yet. I’ll just sit back and relax, sure that will get the job done. I mean seriously people! How the hell does me tracking my cycle cause me to have less success? When you try to do other things in life it is normally a good idea to think ahead and plan. And to maybe have all the facts. Well what the hell is wrong with me wanting to have the facts about when I ovulate?

“The BC might still be in your system”
Ok granted for the first month I’ll accept this as a maybe. But after that? Really? How can it take that long to get out of my system when some teenager can miss one pill and get knocked up? Is the stuff really that good? I think not.

“So and so did this and got pregnant”
Have you ever seen that movie He’s Just Not That In To You? Through out the movie they have mock interviews with people talking about relationships and how they once knew this person who did this one thing and then got married. Or they knew the sister of an old friend that stood on her head and found the man of her dreams. I think there should be a similar movie like this about TTC. The moment you say your having trouble everyone knows someone who had problems and then relaxed or quit trying or adopted and then *bam* knocked up! Just like in the movies it’s not the same for everyone else, so shut your pie hole, your not helping!

“You’re just stressing out, it will happen when it happens”
This one is my big kicker. The little devil in me got real fired up once we got the test results back on the hubby’s SA. I wanted to run around to all of those people and say - See! I am not crazy! I KNEW something was wrong and you told me to chill out! You might think I’m too worked up about this but while I am worried and I had my bad feelings we were at a literally slim to none chances. And no, that is not an exaggeration - 1 to 3% chance out of 100 is pretty damn bad. Yes, it could be worse but right now it sucks something awful.

And after we found out our issues - “Oh that’s not bad, I knew someone that had the exact same thing and they now have two kids now….”
(Ok, I know to you this might seem positive but it was one of the worst things I’ve heard thus far. I think part of it was the timing but a lot of it was the tone in which it was said.) Yes, you might know some one else that had a veroicle repair and then went on to have kids, this does not however make the situation less bad for us. Our odds suck already and you tell me that it is Not Bad is just stupid. Yes it is bad, it is bad to us. 15% males have this issue, of those 15% have it actually affect fertility. 75% of those 15% that have the surgery will see results. Um that’s a lot of numbers that add up to = IF sucks and it is bad so STFU!

And I’ll sum this up here…
I have lived each and every day of this last year and each day I wanted baby. Each day I thought it. Not one day went by when it was not the one thing that I longed for, worried or cried about. I am tired of being told to relax and not worry about things. I am tired of having to work on things and having hope be the only thing out there is to hold on to.

(Btw, if I know you in real life and if you said something similar to me in the last year please know that I did not say anything snotty back to you because I care about you and appreciate that you even ask. This is an overall vent and is not directed at anyone)


  1. I understand how you feel. I don't know how many times I've heard friends telling me you're stressing too much and thinking about it too much. Once you let go it will happen!! Really????????

  2. If relaxing worked, My name would be Michelle I really do feel your pain. The first year for me was exceptionally hard. Back then, I couldn't get a dr. to believe me-that I thought something may be wrong (1993 I was almost 21). By the time any treatment started, unbeknownst to us, it was too late. I pray for you to be holding your precious little one soon.

  3. I totally get this post and I hate everything that people say when they don't know what to say. "Like did you know that I knew this guy whose wife knows this guy who went to school with this girl who worked in a pizza shop for a guy whose sister-in-law is in a woman's club with a lady whose daughter tried for thirteen years to get pregnant and then they gave up and decided to breed exotic birds instead and when they successfully mated a scarlet macaw with a cockatoo - BAM! She go pregnant the next month."

    Really. That's awesome. Where would I find a scarlet macaw and a cockatoo to buy then? I think all of us IFs have heard these things a dozen times, but it doesn't make it any easier. Sometimes it's just good to post about it. Hope it made you feel better. :)

  4. I'm with you... and the 'not asking/not saying anything' also hurts. I haven't been able to "relax" for a single minute since this all started. Thinking of you xo

  5. Amen sistah. I could written all of those too.

  6. Lindsay you so just nailed that on the head. I couldn't have put it better myself. I'm sorry you've had to reach 1yr with no luck. Thinking of you.

  7. I totally get what you're saying!! I hate comments like that. Hang in there hun. Hugs!