Friday, June 10, 2011

Bitter Bird Here

(Probably going to cuss a bit here, you’ve been warned)

Well my day was going ok. I’ve been a busy bee all week long and happy for it. Today things seem to be winding down and since I prefer a more causally Friday I’m happy for it.

However this week has not been that easy for me TTC emotional wise. Had a few rough days and really I thought I was coming out of it, but alas that has been squashed. Instead I come back from lunch to be surrounded my many a fellow coworkers swooning over someone’s toddler. Don’t get me wrong the baby if very cute and sweet but I was literally trapped in my cubicle by the crowd. I had a few items to run down to the shipping dock and only had a few minutes to get them there so I was trying to hurry up and finish those packing slips and get away. I’ve obviously working on something and have my back turned to everyone and one of my coworkers asks if I’ve seen our visitor. Why of course I have. She is at the door of my cube talking up a storm while everyone else prompts her in baby annoying baby talk. Of course I can see and here her. Might be infertile but I’m not deft and dumb. At that point I got up and ran to the printer (while having to push through the crowd of people at work – not working!) to finish my task. Thankfully from there I got to run away. But after going as slow as possible I come back and they are all still there. So next I go to the bathroom and have a bit of a cry – thankfully I was able to keep it to just a few tears and avoid a bright red face. Yet still the crowd is still freaking there. So I run to someone else’s office to chitchat and get away. It didn’t take long for the crowd to follow and people are then out in the freaking floor calling for her to walk across the room.

Ugh, I really think of work as a safe place. Kids don’t work here and unless you are knocked up I don’t have to see one. I don’t want to hide away from the world but I sure as hell don’t want to be swamped with it at work. It’s so sad, but yes my first thought is indeed - “Great you’re a fucking fertile. Glad you have the time to show it off”. (sigh) I really hate that I am not longer in the phase of wanting to see and hold every little baby I see. That use to be me but now it only causes a reminder that you have what I desire most.

So now I’m sitting at my desk stewing a bit and being a very bitter bird. So ready for this day to be over.


  1. Sounds like a hard day... Yay for the weekend?!?! Thinking of you!

  2. I'm sorry. I know how crappy that can make your day. It seems like everywhere I go I am surrounded by children or pregnant women reminding me of what I don't yet have. Nowhere is safe anymore. I know how you feel. :/

  3. I've had a very similar day. :-( wish yours was better.

  4. Love the cuss'n girl...get it all out! Sorry about your bad day at work. This probably doesn't make you feel better but I'm having one of those 'bad' days today and I'm just at home! Not cool...not cool at all.
    Take care and big hugs from afar...perhaps some chocolate might help...will try get some in the post.

  5. I've learned not to feel guilty for being bitter. Do what you need to do and don't appologize for it. When you reach an ok place in your mind, you will be ready to see people's kids...and if not, that's okay. I feel your pain...