Monday, June 6, 2011

late night.

CD 16 - no idea whats going on with OV

I like my alone time. Love it actually. But when it get late and I'm alone I tend to think more and the sadness creeps in. The fears get a bit bigger and the reality of where we are right now in this journey seems so huge. We haven't made it anywhere. We are still in the same place. I'm still not knocked up. We still have a guest room, not a baby room.

Its late and I can not help but worry that this may be all there is. We might be alone in this. We might just have each other. It scares me to think this might not be enough. Not that I feel I am lacking in the husband area by any means. I fear there is not enough in me to be like this. To have this lonely, empty feeling.

There are so many things I could be doing right now. I could be cleaning my house. I could be painting the new laundry doors. I could be cleaning the carpet.

I could be reading one of the books spilling off the bookshelves. I could but I can't. My mind will not clear enough for me to get away from my feelings and get swept away in another story.

Instead I sit in a dark room listening to my go to sad song and indeed struggling with the lonely.....


  1. Oh wow you kind of knocked it on head with how I'm feeling too cept I'm not sure I feel lonely but more like going to bust out a major panic attack about everything right now. In short...I get how you feel my girl xxx

  2. Oh Lindsay. Sending you hugs galore. I cannot even count how many times I felt just how you felt. I could have written your post so many times through our journey (and probably did in different words).
    You are not alone. xx

  3. *sigh* I know this feeling. It may go away for a while.... But it seems to always come back. :(

  4. I know this feeling. Sending hugs and positive thoughts your way!