A grey sky kind of day

Today I am in a mood and it is not a good one.
I feel like I should be crying
Yet I feel so empty and devoid of emotion.
It’s a different kind of pain.
I want to be comforted and understood.
I want to be left alone and invisible.
Life is unfair, I know this.
But is it necessary to shove this down my throat?

I have fear
Fear of not knowing
Fear of actually knowing
Desperate to know what’s coming
Terrified it will be what I fear

Distractions only work for so long
I can only stay so busy
Eventually my mind takes over and helps me remember
That I am without
Sleep would be nice but then I have dreams
The dreams also know
They also want
I wake up and I’m still empty